just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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