roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
