i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
