I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize