Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
