Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
