Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
