He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The power of my boobs compel you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
