So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
