living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
