Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
