god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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