tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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