Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize