i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We have so much sex to catch up on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm both gender and math confused
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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