we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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