why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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