; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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