My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
