Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
