i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
