well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
