i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
