i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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