think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
