Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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