She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
