Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize