Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
