Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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