just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
