so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
