I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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