They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
