got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
