My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
