can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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