The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
