I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
