What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
