Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My cat gives me a boner
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
