Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
