well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
zippers are such a cool invention
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
