Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
