We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
