I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Houston, we have a blender
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
