I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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