OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
