Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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