The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
