Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
