Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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