you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
