why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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