Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
