That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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