i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Randomize
