dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
