I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
