I just cut my nipple shaving
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
