i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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