it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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