he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
