you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
