i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
