a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
