God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
there is glitter all over my balls
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
