Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
