My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
