Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
